The Catholic Undertow

Mary Ann Collins, A Former Catholic Nun

Appendix D

For Former Priests,
Monks, and Nuns

Would you like to learn about other former priests and nuns? Richard Bennett (a former Catholic priest) has edited two books of their personal testimonies. Far from Rome, Near to God gives the testimonies of 50 former priests. The Truth Set Us Free gives the testimonies of 20 former nuns. (They are intensely personal and wonderfully down-to-earth.)

Both books are listed in the Bibliography of The Catholic Undertow. You can buy Far from Rome, Near to God at Amazon.com. In order to get The Truth Set Us Free, you will have to contact Richard Bennett directly.

If you have specific needs, he may have some resources for you. For example, he has a video called Beauty for Ashes about abnormal life in convents. The former nun on the video tells about many things, including sexual harassment. I suggest that you look at the online store at Richard’s website. It is listed under the heading “Catalogue.”

http://www.BereanBeacon.org

You can contact Richard at the following address. If you want to buy The Truth Set Us Free, tell him so and include a check for $12.95 per copy, payable to Richard Bennett. (For Canada, Alaska, Latin America, and overseas, add $8.00 per copy for surface mail and $12.00 per copy for airmail. These prices are in U.S. dollars.) Richard’s address is:

Richard Bennett
The Berean Beacon
P.O. Box 192
Del Velle, TX 78617

If you are a former priest or seminarian, and you encountered some teachings or prayer techniques that seemed strange, then you might want to read Goodbye, Good Men by Michael S. Rose. You might want to go to Michael Rose’s website and read feedback by priests and seminarians who encountered similar situations.

http://www.GoodbyeGoodMen.com

If you engaged in contemplative prayer, or centering prayer, or meditation techniques, then I recommend reading A Time of Departing by Ray Yungen. See if what you were taught, or what you experienced, resembles anything in that book.

If anything in the book seems familiar to you, then ask God to set you free from any harm that it may have caused you. Ask Him to enable you to see things from His perspective, instead of the worldview behind those teachings and practices.

When you read the Bible, you may see it through the “eyeglasses” of unbiblical teachings and meditation techniques. Ask God to open your eyes and set you free from unbiblical influences. Ask God to guide you and speak to your heart as you read the Bible. Ask Him to help you understand it and apply it to your life in practical ways.

EMOTIONAL ISOLATION

If you studied the mystics, or if you practiced contemplative prayer, then you may have a problem with emotional isolation.

When I was in the convent, we were told that we should be emotionally detached, that we should only express love in a detached way. We were taught that human attachments interfere with closeness to God.

This is contrary to Scripture. Adam was very close to God. He walked and talked with God every evening. But God said that wasn’t enough. God said that Adam needed human companionship. God said: “It is not good that the man should be alone...” (Genesis 2:18)

The Bible says that God spoke to Moses “face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend.” (Exodus 33:11; also see Numbers 12:6-8) That is an unusual level of intimacy with God. Moses was a married man with children. And he was an emotional man. When the people murmured against him, Moses “cried unto the Lord.” (Exodus 17:3-4) When God became angry with the people of Israel, Moses pleaded with God to have mercy on them. (Exodus 32:9-14) When his sister Miriam had leprosy, Moses became emotional. The Bible says:

“Moses cried unto the Lord, saying, Heal her now, O God, I beseech thee.” (Numbers 12:10-13)

Emotional detachment is a pagan ideal. It is praised by stoic philosophy and Buddhism. But it is contrary to Scripture. The Bible encourages fervent prayer. It says:

“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (James 5:16)

You can’t do that without feelings. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the word “fervor” means, “intensity of feeling or expression.” Synonyms for “fervent” are, “fiery, vehement, impassioned, passionate, eager, keen.” If you are emotionally detached, then how can you pray fervently for someone?

Jesus wasn’t emotionally detached, and nobody has ever been closer to God the Father than Jesus was. When Jesus saw that Lazarus was dead, and Mary and Martha were grieving for him, Jesus “groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,” and he wept. The people saw this as showing the intensity of Jesus’ love for Lazarus. (John 11:33-36)

The Apostle Paul wasn’t emotionally detached. He had a fatherly love for Timothy, whom he called his “dearly beloved son.” (2 Timothy 1:2; also see 1 Timothy 1:2 and 1:18)

Jesus told us that, in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, we need to become like little children. (Mark 10:15). Children are emotional. They have strong feelings and they express them. Their love is personal, emotional, and affectionate.

God designed us for fellowship, not for isolation and detachment. Isolation is spiritually and emotionally unhealthy. That is why prisoners who are kept in solitary confinement for long periods of time often go insane.

If you were taught to be emotionally isolated, the first step towards freedom is to recognize the problem. Then you can pray for God to heal you and give you His perspective. You can also deliberately do things to counteract it.

Animals are safe. Can you have a pet? If not, then you can make a point of being affectionate with other people’s pets when you have the opportunity to do so. You can go to petting zoos, or to pet stores that allow you to pet the animals.

Children are safe. You can pick up babies and put your arm around young children. As you show affection for them (both verbally and physically), you will become more comfortable with it, and you will enjoy it, instead of feeling awkward.

It takes time and effort and thought to learn to be affectionate after years of emotional starvation. But it is well worth the effort. It will bring emotional healing, and it will give you a greater understanding of God, and of the men and women in the Bible.

May the Lord give you a revelation of how much He loves you. May He open your eyes to the Bible, so that you will see it from His perspective. May He “restore” your soul. (Psalm 23:3)