The Catholic Undertow

Mary Ann Collins, A Former Catholic Nun

Chapter 1

Overcoming the Undertow

Leaving the Catholic Church involves more than just understanding that some Catholic doctrines and practices are contrary to Scripture. There are often emotional issues as well. I have had to deal with these issues myself. I also correspond with former Catholics who are currently dealing with them.

Some people see God’s truth, simply and suddenly, like a light being turned on inside of them. They walk out of Catholicism and into Biblical Christianity, without emotional turmoil. That is wonderful. It is a precious gift from God.

For many former Catholics, there are difficult emotional issues that we have to deal with. Often our new friends in our new church don’t understand them.

Christians often assume that, once Catholics understand doctrinal issues and Biblical principles, then that is the end of the matter. But for many of us, it isn’t. There can be a lot more involved than just intellectual understanding.

Catholics are used to having priests tell them how to think and what to do. As a result, it can be difficult for former Catholics to learn to pray for themselves, read the Bible for themselves, and take responsibility for their own life. We can overcome this difficulty, but it requires determination, persistence, and prayer.

There is something that I call the “Catholic undertow.” Have you ever been swimming in the ocean, and tried to swim back to shore, but the undertow kept pulling you back out to sea? Well, something similar can happen to people who have left the Catholic Church.

The Bible warns us that people who have been set free from something need to stand their ground and refuse to be pulled back into their old bondage. It says:

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” (Galatians 5:1)

The purpose of this book is to help you “stand fast.” It will equip you to overcome the Catholic undertow. It will help you recognize it when it pulls at you, and resist the pull. It will deal with the root causes of the Catholic undertow--with the things that enable it to pull at us.

How do I know about the undertow? Because I’ve “been there and done that.” The undertow has pulled at me many times and in many different ways. Fighting to stand my ground and maintain my freedom is how I learned to understand the Catholic undertow. The insights in this book were learned in the trenches.

The historical information in this book, and the behind-the-scenes pictures of Catholicism, were learned as a result of extensive research. The insights about the Catholic undertow were learned from personal experience. The combination of the factual information and the personal insights will give you a one-two punch to knock out the undertow. It will also equip you to help other former Catholics be set free from it.

I’ve corresponded with many former Catholics who have had to fight the undertow. For example, I know a pastor who is a former Catholic. He thought that Catholic issues had been thoroughly taken care of many years ago. But then, quite unexpectedly, his Catholic family members started putting a lot of pressure on him to return to the Catholic Church. He was surprised at the level of distress and confusion that it caused him. It got to the point where he was questioning whether or not he should be a pastor. After much prayer and struggle, he was set free from the Catholic undertow. He is now a stronger Christian and a better pastor.

That pastor’s situation shows that sometimes the undertow can remain hidden. Everything can seem fine for years, but then the undertow suddenly starts pulling at you.

That explains why former Catholics can be in a good, Bible-believing church for years, and then suddenly go back to the Catholic Church. Two former priests told me that this kind of thing is not unusual. I’ve seen it myself. There was a family in my church that suddenly went back to the Catholic Church, after being in a good Protestant church for years.

If you are a pastor, this book will help you minister to former Catholics in your congregation. If you are a former Catholic, there may come a day when having read this book will save you a lot of difficulty and confusion. There may also be times when it enables you to help other former Catholics.

This book provides you with a lot of information about doctrine, Church history, and various behind-the-scenes aspects of Catholicism. There are appendixes that gives resources for additional study of your own. They have Internet addresses of hundreds of online articles and pictures, which are listed according to categories.

This book also deals with some aspects of Catholicism that are not primarily intellectual. They are the hidden things that can pull at us, like an undertow. But once we recognize them, then (by the grace of God) we can deal with them.

MIND CONTROL

The Catholic Church claims that it has the right to control how Catholics think. We were taught to believe whatever we were told, and to obey the priests. During Mass, we were told when to stand, when to sit, when to reply to what the priest said, and what to say. This attitude of passive compliance was constantly reinforced.

This is more than just our personal experience. It is official Catholic doctrine. (For documented information about it, please read the chapter, “Mind Control.”)

So how do we overcome this? The Bible gives us the answers. Psalm 23 tells us:

“The LORD is my shepherd: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” (Psalm 23:1-3, emphasis added)

(If you have a Catholic Bible, many of the Psalms are numbered differently. I recommend that you get a Protestant Bible.)

God is able to restore our soul. He can undo the damage that the Catholic Church did to our thinking and our emotions. God is able to change our minds and our emotions, so that they will reflect His truth, and agree with His Word (the Bible). We need to agree with God, instead of agreeing with the Catholic Church.

God tells all Christians to be transformed by the renewing of their minds. (Romans 12:2) And He always enables us to do what He tells us to do. This renewing of our minds is especially necessary for former Catholics, because we have been indoctrinated with unbiblical beliefs, and subjected to mind control. The Apostle Paul tells us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ--not the obedience of the Catholic Church. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

God is willing and able to teach us how to lead righteous lives. The Bible and personal prayer are keys to this. We need to ask God to change our hearts. We can pray with Scripture, which says:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)

The Bible can correct our thinking and instruct us in how to live righteously. It can enable us to understand whether or not doctrines are Biblical. It can equip us to live Godly lives. The Apostle Paul said:

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

When reading the Bible, it is important to approach it with a spirit of humility, and to ask God to help us understand it. If we are faithful to do this, then our thoughts (and therefore our actions) will line up more and more with God’s thoughts and God’s ways of doing things. This is a process. It takes time. God is patient with us. We need to be patient with ourselves.

We not only need to read the Bible, we also need to study it. We need to become so saturated with Scripture that it becomes a living part of us, like a skin graft, or a branch that is grafted onto a tree. The Bible says:

“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)

“...receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.” (James 1:21)

FEAR

Until the Second Vatican Council, Catholicism taught that there is no salvation apart from the Catholic Church, its sacramental system, the priesthood, and the Pope. (Since Vatican II, there have been a variety of teachings about salvation. These range from saying that there is no salvation outside the Catholic Church, to saying that salvation can be found in non﷓Christian religions.) This is not Biblical, but it can still be deeply ingrained. Once we learn better, then our minds understand, but it may take time for our gut feelings to catch up with our thinking.

There can be other forms of fear. One man told me that when he was a child in parochial school, the nuns terrorized him. For example, they said that the children would burn in Purgatory for every minute that they talked in class. What kind of picture does that give of God?

There are also official curses. When I was confirmed, the ritual (which was in Latin) included a curse that was supposed to come upon me if I ever left the Catholic Church. The anathemas of the Council of Trent still curse anybody who disagrees with any of the doctrinal statements of that Council.

The Blood of Jesus is more powerful than any curse. God is able to protect us and bless us, whether or not the Catholic Church wants Him to. God is in control--not the Catholic Church. The Bible says:

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.” (Isaiah 54:17)

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

Nothing--not even the Catholic Church--is capable of separating us from God’s love. We are not at the mercy of any man or any institution. We are not at the mercy of circumstances. God is in control--not those things. And God loves us. He is faithful and merciful and compassionate.

NOBODY HAS ALL THE ANSWERS

When we were Catholics, we mistakenly believed that the Pope is infallible. It is easy to carry this mindset over to other things after we leave the Catholic Church.

Nobody is infallible. The Apostle Paul wrote about a fourth of the New Testament. Much of our theology is based on his writings. He was taken up to the Third Heaven, where he learned things that he was not allowed to tell other people about. (2 Corinthians 12:1-4) But Paul made a point of telling us that even he did not have all the answers, and some things about God are beyond our comprehension. He said:

“For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I shall know even as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:9-12)

“O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!” (Romans 11:33)

Paul said that he only knew “in part” and that his understanding was like looking in a mirror (“glass”) that doesn’t give a clear reflection. If the Apostle Paul didn’t have all the answers, then nobody does--not Luther, not Calvin, not other great men of the Reformation. They loved God and they did the best that they could, but they were not infallible and they did not have all the answers. We should love them and be grateful for them, but we need to be careful not to wind up treating them like infallible popes.

The same thing is true of our pastors, our church leaders, and the people who wrote the notes of our Study Bibles. The same thing is true of theologians and seminary professors.

These men base much of their teaching on the writings of the Apostle Paul. But even Paul did not expect people to accept what he said, just because he was the one who said it. The Bible commends the men of Berea, because they used Scripture to test Paul’s teachings. The Book of Acts says:

“And the brethren immediately sent away Paul and Silas by night unto Berea: who coming thither went into the synagogue of the Jews. These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.” (Acts 17:10-11, emphasis added)

We need to follow the example of the Bereans. The Bible says that all Christians are supposed to test what they are taught. It says:

“Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

According to Strong’s Concordance, the word “prove” means to test or examine. We need to test everything against Scripture. This is especially true today, because there is so much deception and false teaching in the world. We need to develop the habit of automatically checking everything out against Scripture.

GOD IS FOR US, NOT AGAINST US

Some Catholic traditions give the impression that God enjoys making us suffer. For example, Teresa of Avila told of a time when she was sick, in pain, with a fever, and she fell into the snow. According to Teresa, God told her: “This is how I treat my friends.” She replied: “No wonder you have so few.” (I’m quoting this from memory, so it may not be completely accurate.)

Another example is some apparitions of “Mary” that portray Mary as loving, and Jesus as a harsh judge. The picture is that of a loving mother, who is trying to protect her children from a child abuser.

Another example is harsh teachers in parochial schools, who taught children that God is out to get them.

These things are totally contrary to the picture of God that is given in the Bible. God the Father loves us so much that He sent Jesus to save us from our sins. Jesus loves us so much that He was willing to die a horribly painful death in order to enable us to become reconciled to God.

Ephesians 3:19 speaks of “the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge.” Many Scripture verses speak about the love of God. A few of them follow:

“For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:6-8)

“He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:10-12)

“He that loveth not knoweth not God: for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.” 1 John 4:8-11)

“We love him, because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” (John 15:12)

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.” (Psalm 23:1-6)

If your Catholic training gave you reasons to be afraid of God, instead of loving Him and trusting Him, then you need to saturate yourself with Scripture and get to know who God really is. When the negative thoughts and feelings come, you can combat them with the truth of Scripture. The Bible says:

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ...” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

The distorted picture of God that many Catholics were taught is a “high thing” that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. It raises itself up in our minds and our emotions, and it blocks us from seeing who God really is. It hinders us from understanding God. We can pull these things down by taking our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. Ask God to show you how to do this.

One way of doing this is to become more aware of the chatter that goes on inside our heads, and to notice when it is talking about God. Then compare what it says with what the Bible says.

There was a time in my life when I became aware of a number of false teachings, false impressions of God. As I read the Bible, I found Scripture verses that told the truth that was the antidote to those false teachings. I memorized those verses. When the false teachings raised their head, I quoted those Scripture verses to myself. I kept doing that, until the false teachings lost their power in my mind and my emotions.

CATHOLIC CONDEMNATION

It is not unusual for people who leave the Catholic Church to have Catholic clergy, family members, or friends tell them that they are apostate, their new church is a cult, and they are going to Hell. Sometimes family members say things like: “You were born Catholic and you will die Catholic.” In other words, because you were sprinkled with holy water when you were a baby (without your consent), the Catholic Church owns you and you have no right to leave. This denies the free will that God gave us. It treats people like Church property.

In the face of such condemnation, some former Catholics are afraid, because they were taught that they cannot get to Heaven without the Catholic Church. The Bible has the antidote to such fears. It says:

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

That includes the Catholic Church. It is not able to separate us from the love of God. Almighty God does not need to get permission from the Catholic Church before He can love us, bless us, and protect us.

SELF-CONDEMNATION

Some of the Catholic saints seemed to think that self-condemnation is a virtue. For example, Catherine of Sienna saw a vision of Christ. She looked away for a second. When she looked back, the vision was gone. She tormented herself with self-condemnation, because she had looked away from the vision. Another example is Francis of Assisi. He was full of self-condemnation. His biographers interpreted that as a sign of holiness.

As Catholics, we were taught to study the lives of the saints and to follow their example. That can easily result in imitating their self-condemnation.

This may not be as much of a problem for younger Catholics, who were raised in a generation that promotes positive self-esteem. But it is a problem for many of us. It used to be a problem for me, until the Bible gave me some understanding of what self-condemnation really is.

Jesus called the Holy Spirit, “the Comforter.” (John 14:16; 14:26; 15:26; 16:7) According to Strong’s Concordance, the word “comforter” means intercessor, consoler, advocate, comforter. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the word “comfort” means, “to impart strength and hope to; to relieve of mental distress; console.”

The Bible calls the devil, “the accuser of our brethren.” (Revelation 12:10) It’s the devil’s job to accuse us. Why should we do his job for him?

The Holy Spirit comforts, encourages, and strengthens. The devil accuses. We need to follow the example of the Holy Spirit, not the example of the devil. We need to comfort, encourage, and strengthen people. That includes ourselves.

Self-condemnation is a “high thing” that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. It blocks us from realizing that God loves us. It hinders us from recognizing God’s love.

According to the Bible, Christians are not under condemnation. The Bible says:

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1)

“Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.” (Romans 8:33-34)

Acts 10:9-16 tells of a vision that Peter had. A sheet came down from Heaven. It was full of all kinds of animals (ones that Jewish law calls clean, and ones that Jewish law calls unclean). A voice told Peter to kill them and eat them. Peter protested, saying that he had never eaten anything unclean. The voice replied:

“...What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.” (Acts 10:15)

According to Strong’s Concordance, the word “common” means “profane.” According to Webster’s Dictionary, “profane” means “impure, defiled.” When self-condemnation hits us, we can remind ourselves that Jesus Christ took away our sins. He paid a horrible price to be able to do that. If God calls us clean, then who are we to disagree with Him?

When we sin, the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin. This is very different from self-condemnation. It is life-giving, rather than destructive. The Bible puts it this way:

“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)

The Bible assures us that, because we are children of God, we are not under condemnation. However, we need to remember that our freedom in Christ is not a license to sin. The Bible says:

“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13)

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” (Romans 6:1-2)

PRAYERS

When we were Catholics, we were used to “canned” prayers. We said them during Mass. Many of us prayed rosaries. Some of us recited written prayers, such as novenas, litanies, and prayers which were given to visionaries by apparitions of “Mary.” Some written prayers were “indulgenced.” If you said them, you were supposed to get indulgences.

I remember being told that certain prayers always “worked”--if you said them, you would get what you wanted. This was treating prayers as if they were magic formulas. God is not a Coke machine. You can’t put in the “right” words and have your Coke (the thing you wanted to get) automatically come out.

However, there is nothing wrong with using written prayers, if it is done in the right spirit. We pray the Lord’s prayer. Some hymns are prayers.

Most chapters in this book will end with a section called “Practical Application.” It will discuss practical ways of responding to the things that you have just read. It will usually include a written prayer. Please read the prayer and see if you agree with it. If you do, then you can pray it as it is written, or else you can use it as a springboard for sharing your heart with God in whatever way is appropriate for you.

PRAYING SCRIPTURE

Many Catholics spend their lives praying written prayers. They have not learned how to pray naturally and spontaneously from their heart.

I have found it helpful to use the Bible as a springboard for personal prayers. That isn’t the only way that I pray, but it is something that I often do when reading Scripture. If you are not used to praying spontaneously, Scriptural praying can help you get started.

There are many prayers in the Bible. Have you ever prayed through them, as if they were your own? It’s one way of having Scripture become a part of us.

It’s also a way of knowing that we are praying according to God’s will. For example, if God showed the Apostle Paul that Christians need wisdom and revelation, then we know that praying for those things is according to God’s will. We can use Paul’s prayer as a springboard for our own prayers.

When we pray the Lord’s Prayer, we are praying according to Scripture. But there are many other Biblical prayers that we can pray. We can appropriate them and make them our own. For example, here is one of Paul’s prayers for the Christians in Ephesus:

“For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

At first, this may look intimidating. Most of this is one long, complicated sentence. However, we can break it down into bite-sized pieces.

There are many ways that this passage could be approached. I will give an example. This is how I approached that Scripture passage. As you read it, you may see ways that are more appropriate for you. Also, every time you come to this passage, you may find new treasures in it and new ways to pray it. Please take the following as just one possible working example of how this Scripture passage could be prayed.

Father God, thank You for being my Father in Heaven. Thank you for the riches of your glory. Please give me a revelation of Your goodness and Your glory, and the wonderful treasures that are to be found in You. Lord God, please strengthen me with Your might, by Your Holy Spirit, in my inner man. May Jesus Christ dwell in my heart by faith. Lord, I want to be rooted and grounded in Your love. And I can’t do that. I can’t make it happen. Please make me like a plant whose roots go down deep into Your love. Make Your love become my source of strength and protection and nourishment. Make the revelation of Your love become a source of vision and motivation for my life. Use me to minister Your love to other people. Lord God, give me a revelation of Your love. Help me comprehend it. Show me how great and how deep Your love is. Enable me to know the love of Christ, which is so great and so pure and so beautiful that it is beyond my understanding. Holy God, thank You that you are able to do far more than anything I can ask or imagine. Thank you for Your great power that is working in me. Lord, may You be glorified. Change my heart, and make me someone whose life glorifies You. Amen.

As you read the Bible, you will find many prayers. You will also find many statements that clearly indicate God’s will for us, which can be the basis for prayers. Some passages can be prayed directly, word for word. One of my favorites is in Psalm 139:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

I also like to participate in the heavenly worship that was shown to the Apostle John in the Book of Revelation. We can share in the song of the Redeemed:

“...Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.” (Revelation 5:12)

Isaiah also had a vision of heavenly worship. I like to join in the prayer of the seraphim, who cry out to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory.” (Isaiah 6:3)

The Catholic Undertow has a lot of quotations from Scripture. Many of them are appropriate for the kind of Scriptural praying that I just described. If a particular Scripture passage speaks to your heart, then I encourage you to use it as a basis for prayer.

Please use The Catholic Undertow like a workbook. Go through it carefully and prayerfully. Ask God to show you how to apply it in practical ways.

May the Lord speak to your heart as you read this book. May He open your eyes and give you insights. And may He show you practical ways to apply what you have learned.